I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
