My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
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He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
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Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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