he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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