I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
