Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Is it penis luge time yet?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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