OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
