try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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