My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
