conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
