yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
