I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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