absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Randomize
