I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize