I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
