I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
