Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
