office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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