So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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