oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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