i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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