they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
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