Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
