I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
