I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
