it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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