So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
