Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
