I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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