Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
