Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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