I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
