The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
