I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
