i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
