he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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