Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
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