i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
grandma shit on top of the toilet
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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