you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
