Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
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