I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
