i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
