You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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