They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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