I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
