dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
