it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
