the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
