apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
