miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
