I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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