my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
