I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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