Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I love you. Go after that dick
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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