i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
