just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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