don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
