she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Randomize
