i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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