I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
