Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
