She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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