Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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