we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Ketchup is God's man juice
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
