my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
