we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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