I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
