I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
