I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
