Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
