what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
