I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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