South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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