I hope mine doesn't look like that
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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